How to Drive a Stick Shift Explained with DEATH METAL

via Laughing Squid. Hey, it brightened my day.

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Feeling Fucked Up Is Normal

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Feeling fucked up is what makes us human… though marine biologists are increasingly convinced that dolphins and whales have complex emotional lives [mammals, babies, mating, yeah yeah—but more than that. The emotional and societal intelligence of elephants, for example, has been well documented]. Side note: I think EVERY life form possess complex emotional lives: dogs, cats, bugs, whatever. Yeah. Even bugs. Even if it’s mere sensory input: “Food! GOOD! Time to burrow, GOOD! GIANT HUMAN THUMB DESCENDING TO SQUASH ME, BAD! BAD! BA—”

The image above is THE SEER from VIKINGS.

He can’t face the mirror every morning and say “Hello, beautiful,” yet, he can tell the future. [Yeah, I know, the Blind Seer is a horrid cliché. But his presence in the story of VIKINGS is vital.]

Because we are looking back through the lens of history.

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The Seer is an easy, fun character. Maybe too fun, too easy. Just look at the toy they made out of him, FFS!

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This post is a bonus to the forthcoming edition of HEXES, wherein I really babble uncontrollably about VIKINGS. Sneak peek:

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The past will always catch us. The future, too. Because we’re fucked-up humans. Tragically aware of the inescapable web of time.

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“WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!”

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It means: repairing a beloved book for a beloved son.

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HELLO BEAUTIFUL

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Even Luna can be a destroyer.

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Let’s Have Us Some Ragnarök

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VideoScope #102 Is In The House!

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What a great cover, eh? Hats off to Cover Designer Kevin Hein. I see he’s sliiiiiiiightly played w/ the logo. Bevel and emboss, baby! I think it looks nice. Anyway, just look at those highlighted stories! The “B” Awards! Joe R. fucking Lansdale! Good shit can be found within this issue, available at better bookstores EVERYWHERE. Or better yet, subscribe! Or die! Somewhere, a demon with a clock laughs and laughs.

The Phantom had a fucking brutal obit column to pen…

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And that’s not even a quarter of the deathtoll. But as Joe Kane says, “Fortunately for us, we can continue to access and enjoy their work via physical media and online sources.”

Go here. Subscribe or die, puny humans: videoscopemag.com

Okay, a bit of self-promotion: I am in the new ish of VS #102. I slammed PHANTASM: RAVAGER. It was one of the hardest pieces I’ve ever written.

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Because I was in the hospital and my fucking computer’s keyboard was busted and I had to write the review longhand even though my wrist was killing me, every sentence I scrawled was like D-Day Plus Ten, man, and I didn’t want to write a negative review of a new entry in a film series from a director (Don Coscarelli) and story and cast of actors I loved—Scrimm, Reggie, Baldwin…

But I wrote it anyway. My favorite nurse procured paper and pen for me. I had to fucking write it, man.

Ravager is a crass and soulless enterprise in exploiting a built-in audience... ” Oh, god. And it gets worse from there. I watched Ravager six times in the hospital and I hated it more each time. Wincing through the physical pain of writing of my very negative review, I felt that each jerky slash of my pen was stabbing a friend in the back, or killing my own brother.* I snapped my handwritten scrawl into its envelope and sent it off. (Actually, my friends Matthew and Loreen sent it off. I still wasn’t walking, then.)

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Reggie Bannister is still my hero.

Up the Irons, you lovable fools. Go buy the new ish of VideoScope. Or else.

* “Killing my own brother…” from Phantasm, OBLIVION

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